Family • Wellbeing • Adventure

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

I'm a Shouty Mum | How to be a Calm Parent

Over the last six months, I have not recognised the person standing right in front of me. This person has lost herself and although she has moments of brilliance, where she's "on it", something will come and knock her right off track. This person has had moments where she has lost patience with her children.  She gets frustrated easily and shouts. Then feel hideously guilty.

She's a shouty mum.




I'm that shouty mum.


This isn't a post I wanted to write, but I'm so fed up with losing my patience, I thought perhaps tip tapping away might in some way help. I'm losing patience with losing patience. Is that even a thing?!

That just it, these kids drive me bonkers. Life drives me bonkers. I work two full-time jobs and then I'm trying to catch up on housework, whilst one child is shouting singing and then the other is trying to play pony with the dog, then someone requires an immediate alteration on a piece of work and it all gets a little too much and I become a shouty mum.

I mean, why can't my almost 5-year-old not take her jumper off? Why does my 1 year old think it's hilarious to have a paddle in the dog's water bowl? Why do I have to listen to "Mum can I have a snack" over and over again?

Oh. Wait. They're kids.

My kids and they're my priority.

I spent a lot of time thinking, why is this all so hard. Why is it the simplest of tasks so god damn difficult? I would spend so much time wallowing in all this negativity and as we all know, that's just one vicious cycle.

Kids are supposed to explore. Even if it's the dog bowl.

Children want to become independent, but they may need a little help with that jumper occasionally.

So, they want a snack? Don't say you don't raid the cupboards from time to time...

This week I'm implementing some of the things I have been training myself to do through guided meditation and aiming to be a slightly more calmer parent. I don't think my neighbours want to hear me say "HENRY, STOP RIGHT NOW" all day every day. I know I don't.

Set a routine

Something I really struggle with is time management and switching off from work. So I've implemented my own little routine to try and get this balance right. I wear quite a few different "hats", mummy, teacher, blogger, outreach manager - it's quite a lot to juggle. So, now I'm placing dedicated "working hours" to accommodate these roles. I'm trying to be strict with myself.  It's so, so, so easy to flick through emails and realise you need to do this that and the other. You will never get the balance right if you live your life this way. Somethings can (and have to) wait.

As well, I'm trying to do a little cleaning routine around the house. Making sure it's tidy before we leave the house for the school rush. That means the kids have to get involved too. Having a tidier house definitely, helps me keep calm.

Breathe

I promise I'm not turning into a hippy, though perhaps I am... But honestly, remembering to take a breath really helps clear the mind and makes you think before you speak. Thinking about the words you're saying also helps. I read a wonderful article about getting children to listen and do as you ask without shouting - gave me a good starting point.


Activities

Plan activities with your little ones, it keeps them busy. It tends to be an enjoyable experience. Accept that there will be mess. They will appreciate spending quality time with you. Tomorrow we're having a Play Doh evening and Darcie has requested a lego evening so we can play with her brand new Lego set

Time Out

Make time for you. It's ok to be a little selfish sometimes.

Stop Complaining

I know, this is a little pot kettle black here, but stay with me. Complaining about every little thing can lead to a skewed perspective of everyday life. Complaining just puts emphasis and focus squarely on the problem. Not the solutions. Vent if you need to, but then try to find a solution to the problem.

The upstairs was doing my head in. The chaotic rush to get everyone ready for the day/school/work left my house in a tip. Now I try to forward plan, get clothes ready the night before, I've taught the kiddies to make their beds and put their dirty clothes away. It had never occurred to me that Darcie didn't actually really know how to make her bed. I would always say "go make your bed please" when actually she didn't really know how. After showing her last night, this morning she made it beautifully. She was proud as punch. That kept her busy while I did our room and then we all did Henry's room. It took around 5 mins. But those 5 mins brought a lot of calm! Especially when I got home from work and didn't have to do that task.


I think from time to time, we can all turn into that shouty parent. I don't think it's always a bad thing. We're human after all and we're allowed to have emotions, our kids need to experience this - who wants robot parents? But I do feel that once in a while, we need to take a minute and breathe.



Mummy B xoxox



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