Family • Wellbeing • Adventure

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Baby number three?

grieving that I won't have anymore babies

Once the newborn phase has died down the same old usual question seems to always pop up, will there be a baby number three? It's a question I dread.

I know the answer, there is no choice now on the answer, but the answer seemingly fills me with sadness. And that answer is no.
Me and my husband always said two would be the magic number for us. We were so thankful when I fell pregnant with Henry as I took a lot longer to conceive than I did with Darice. There was a point when I thought we may only be blessed with one child. Thankfully we did have Henry and he has made us very much complete.

So when my husband said he wanted a vasectomy, I agreed. We had our perfect little family and knew that having another wasn't really on our agenda. So why bother having to keep up with contraception when he could have a quick procedure to ensure we wouldn't be getting any little surprises? 

He made the appointments and his date came through. He went off, had it done and that was that. No more babies.

Now it's done, I often wonder whether it was the right thing. I will never get those newborn snuggles, the excitement that pregnancy brings. It's all so very final. So definite. 

Sometimes I feel a surge of emotions,  I will never get those special little baby nudges when pregnant and I just want to burst into tears. Why did we have to make it this final?

Deep down I know I'm just being silly. The thought of having another would actually kind of terrify me. I'm only just perfecting being a mum of two (although let's face it, there's no perfection when it comes to parenting!!), throw another in the mix and I would have a complete melt down. I mean, I only have two hands!

I know I need to snap out of these thoughts, they're completely irrational... but at the same time, I am hoping they're fairly normal thoughts when you do make this kind of ginormous decision. 

At the end of the day, I am so thankful for our little family and I do feel very complete, I'm perhaps just mourning the loss of what could of been.

Anyone else ever felt like this?

Mummy B xoxox


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