At the beginning of the year, I began my positivity journey. I started meditating to combat anxiety (I use my trusty Calm App), religiously used my diary to become more organised and consciously changed my outlook on life.
So far, it's gone well. But when our family was hit with some rather worrying news I felt that with my new positive outlook my anxiety has been kept at bay. I feel a lot happier with the direction my life is heading and I'm learning to embrace challenges and bumps in the road.
But one thing I will say, being positive is exhausting. Like truly exhausting.
As much as being more positive has changed my life for the better, it can get really tiring to stay positive ALL. THE. TIME. Sweeping every bad thing away and looking for the silver lining, smiling when really, all you want to do is burst into tears.
I'm slowly starting to realise that whilst being positive for the majority of the time is fantastic for the mind, body and soul - sometimes you just have to say f*** it.
We're human, we have more emotions than just happy. We need to feel and experience them all. Who wants to be a robot and feel completely disconnected to the world? Certainly not me. Nor would I want my children to feel this way.
If I'm having a bad day, I'll let myself just go with it. Feel whatever it is I need to feel.
It's not about NOT feeling your emotions, but how you manage them that really matters. How long will you let yourself feel sorry for yourself? Maybe you don’t even need a day, maybe you just need a F*CK IT hour. Get pissed off all you need in that hour, let it out! You’re still in charge because you decide on the time, you are still managing your emotions. You give it a limit. That in itself is so incredibly powerful.
Today, I felt a little overwhelmed. A tonne of work to do (which is amazing - the positivity in me recognises this) but little motivation to get it done. I allowed myself a little time out. I put the kids to bed. Came downstairs and watched the trashiest thing I could find on TV, The Kardashians. I allowed myself an hour to just be. Then I went back to work and in the last hour, I've been far more productive than I have been in the last four days!
You can never fake positivity. That's not what it's all about and slowly, I'm learning this. Embrace challenges, take time to feel, move on positively.
Mummy B xoxox
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