Family • Wellbeing • Adventure

Monday, 26 March 2018

Feeling Free

If you follow me on social media then you would have seen some very exciting news, I have finally passed my driving test. Yes, at almost 30 I have finally ticked that off my 'to do' list and boy does it feel good. I guess for most of my readers you have experienced this event, the moment your examiner says "I'm pleased to tell you, you've passed" and you experience a real sense of pride and achievement and of course, it's your ticket for freedom. Most probably had that moment in their late teens/early 20's but for me, I waited until the age of 29. 12 years after I had my first driving lesson and 12 years of having to rely on others as an adult.

You may be wondering why it has taken me so long and in hindsight, I'm kind of wondering that too.

I took three tests when I was 18, just before I was about to set off for university. It was rushed, I wasn't ready and so I never got that magic moment. The three years spent at uni was kind of manic, I had a few lessons, but limited funds and a busy timetable just made it impossible. Here started the never-ending list of excuses. In reality, a fear of failing was starting to build and I had built this invisible mountain that was getting my licence and one that I seemingly couldn't find the energy to climb.

Then in the January of this year, I decided to take back control of my life. Events made me realise that I am the one in the driving seat of my life and I would not let anyone make me feel unworthy of something I wanted or deserved. So, I reached out to a local driving instructor James Simpkins and booked in my first lesson because I knew I wanted this. I wanted my freedom.

Within the first 10 mins of my lesson, James said I needed to book my test asap as he knew I was ready. I doubted him as I definitely didn't feel confident. Then again, that could be down to that negative mindset. So, putting my faith in him, I booked the test and it was time to pull on my positive pants and pass. And I did just that.

This past week has been incredible, not because I've been able to get from a to b on my own without relying on anyone, or because I have been able to see friends after work or take the kids out on adventures (though, of course, that is pretty incredible!) but because I have overcome something I just never thought I would be able to do and it has given me a whole new outlook.

I no longer want to avoid things I fear. I want to tackle them head-on. There is such a buzz about doing things that you would normally avoid. For example (now I know I'm lame here but stay with me), today me and the kiddies decided we wanted to do some Easter crafts, so we headed to Norwich to call into Hobby Craft. When I turned into the entrance of the car park, I started to panic. It was so busy and everyone was going at a snail's pace to try and find a space. The anxiety filled me, the thought of trying to navigate a car parking space where there may be two cars parked either side filled me with so much dread that I contemplated turning around. I know I'm a brand new driver and this would probably stress most people out but the old me would have definitely have come up with excuses to not even attempt trying to park. So, I looked in my central mirror and saw my two little loves looking back at me and I thought, I can do this, I've got to do this. I managed to find a space between two Range Rovers and went for it. I reversed in exactly as I had been taught. It was, dare I say it, easy.

Now if I had let my anxiety and negativity take control we wouldn't have had the nicest afternoon we've had in a long while. So whilst I may not be jumping out of any planes any time soon, I know that I can if it's something I want to do, even if I fear it.

So hears to freedom and it feels amazing.

K Elizabeth xoxox


No comments

Post a Comment

Blogger Template Designed by pipdig